The Working Life Edit

How to Make Time for Each Other When You Both Work Full-Time

Early woodland walks, evenings on the sofa and saying what you need.

7 min read

Low sunlight shining through tall trees in a mossy forest.

Early light among the trees.

Making time for each other when you both work full-time can begin with small, regular conversations: how was your day, what do you need tonight, and is there something you’d enjoy doing together? Choose plans that fit your energy, and leave room for time alone as well as time as a couple.

Bas and I both have full-time jobs. I also travel a great deal for work and am regularly away overnight. Our weeks can be busy, and we value the time we have together.

We also appreciate the occasional evening to ourselves. We’re both comfortable with that. Some days I feel a particularly strong need to be close to him; on others, a little space is lovely too.

The part I think matters most is saying so.

Begin by checking in

If I could pass on one thing about combining a busy working life with a happy life at home, it would be to communicate with your partner.

Ask how their working day was. See whether there is anything they want to share. Tell them what is going on for you too.

I value physical closeness as part of that: sitting against each other, being affectionate and being kind. Small moments of attention are an important part of how I want our everyday life to feel.

There doesn’t have to be a special outing attached. You can begin where you are, with a little interest in the person beside you.

Plan enough to give yourselves options

When I want us to do something at the weekend, I start looking at what might be enjoyable. What are our options? What will the weather be like? Would an indoor or outdoor plan suit us better?

We can be spontaneous, but I like having a few ideas in mind. It makes it easier to choose something when the time arrives.

We both take the initiative. I do notice, though, that when I’m very busy or my head is full, I’m more inclined to stay home. Recognising that helps me think about what I actually want from the weekend.

If you’re making plans together, you could each suggest one thing and then check how much time and energy you have. There is no need to fill every free hour. One thing you’re both looking forward to can give the weekend a lovely shape.

Our favourite outings are quite simple

We love an early Sunday walk through the woods, just as it is getting light. That is a very typical outing for us and something we both enjoy.

In autumn and winter, we also love long walks on the beach. Getting outside together, whether among the trees or beside the sea, is one of the things we’re always happy to make room for.

I love the Dutch word uitwaaien: going out into the fresh air and letting the wind blow around you. It describes something I enjoy so much about a walk by the coast.

Your shared favourite might be somewhere entirely different. Think about the things you both tend to be pleased you did, and keep those options close. An outing doesn’t lose its value because you’ve enjoyed it before.

Let a tired evening be a tired evening

When we’re both worn out, we stretch out on the sofa and watch a series or a film. That is absolutely fine with us.

I don’t think every evening needs a plan that requires more effort. Sometimes being comfortable and enjoying something together is exactly what we want.

If a night in would suit you both, say that. If one of you has been looking forward to going out, talk about it rather than assuming you want the same thing. You may find an easier version of the plan, or choose another day.

The point is to make a choice together with the energy you actually have.

Room for your own interests

I usually go upstairs about an hour before Bas. I’ll watch some YouTube about things I want to learn more about, while he may stay downstairs for another episode of a series. The light goes out once he comes upstairs too.

We can enjoy different things within the same evening. Likewise, the nights when I’m away for work give us each a little time to ourselves, and neither of us minds that.

That is what suits us. Every couple will have their own preferences about time apart, sleep and shared routines.

If you need an evening to yourself, I think it helps to say it clearly and kindly. It gives your partner the chance to understand the need rather than wonder what your distance means. I wrote about keeping room for your own interests separately, too.

Keep the conversation ordinary

You don’t need to wait for a serious discussion to check how things feel. A few everyday questions can open the conversation:

How was your day? Is there anything you want to tell me?
Would you like company or a little time to yourself tonight?
Is there something you’d enjoy doing together this weekend?
Have we both got room for the things we need?

These are suggestions, not a checklist we sit down and complete. The spirit of them is what matters to me: noticing each other and speaking openly.

Frequently Asked Questions

How do we make time for each other when we both work full-time?

Begin with the time you already share. Check in after work, choose something you both enjoy and discuss one possible outing when your schedules allow. Small moments of attention can belong alongside larger plans.

Do we need a weekly date night?

Only if you both enjoy having one. Our time together includes walks and evenings watching films or series. Choose a rhythm that feels good to you both rather than treating a particular kind of date as a requirement.

What if we’re both too tired to go out?

Talk about what would feel enjoyable at home. Bas and I are happy to stretch out on the sofa together. If one of you wanted to go out, discuss a simpler option or another time instead of leaving the expectation unspoken.

Is it okay to want time alone in a relationship?

We both value it. Tell your partner what you need and ask about their preferences too. Our experience is that time together and individual interests can sit comfortably alongside each other when we communicate.

Something to look forward to, someone to come home to

For us, it might be a walk through the woods before the day has properly begun, a windy stretch of beach or a quiet evening on the sofa.

If you want to make more room for each other this year, start with a conversation about what you would both enjoy. Be affectionate in the ways you both like, ask how the day has been and leave space to say when you need something different.

That is the part I keep coming back to: being kind enough to each other to ask, and open enough to answer.

Find a little inspiration for your next outing in Tiny Escapes, or choose something for an evening together in The Watching Room.

Written by Esther, founder of Essy’s Essentials, from her own life with Bas. This is our experience, rather than a set of rules for every relationship.