What My Burnout Taught Me About Being a Manager

For me, the point when I could no longer carry on involved severe back pain.

It was so bad that I could barely move. My GP prescribed morphine for the pain. I was sent to physiotherapy, but it did not help. The physiotherapist thought there might be a nerve problem and advised that I have a scan.

Later, when I was back with my GP to discuss the results, we began talking. That conversation opened up what else was happening in my life and how overwhelmed I had become.

Looking back, I feel I had been going past my own limits for a long time. I had kept functioning without recognising how much was wrong. That is the part I mean when I describe having been highly functioning while burning out: continuing to carry on can make it harder to recognise that you need help.

I am describing the route my own experience took. New or severe physical symptoms deserve medical assessment, as mine received; a story about burnout cannot tell you what is causing someone else's pain.

I saw a psychologist through my GP. Therapy helped, as did getting outside, walking and learning to be kinder to myself.

I want to be honest about the time it took. More than a year is part of my story. It was a substantial period of my life, and I do not want to edit that down into something that sounds easier to fit around work.

Getting outside and doing things I enjoyed mattered. I needed to find things that brought some pleasure and appetite for life back. What those things are will be different for each person.

For someone who is used to pushing forward, it can be difficult to accept that recovery will not simply respond to more effort. I needed support and time. I also needed room to find out what helped me.

At the time, I had colleagues on Facebook. I received comments and a great deal of misunderstanding about the enjoyable things I was doing.

The question behind it was essentially: if she can do that, why can she not work?

My manager did not understand either. They looked at the situation through their own experience of the workplace and how hard they thought we had to work. I was already struggling; being met with disbelief made the guilt much worse.

I would now be much more careful about who can see my personal posts while I am recovering. That is one of the first practical things I would tell someone, because I know how painful those reactions can be. You can choose the audience for your private life and still seek support from people you trust.

But I also want managers and colleagues to hear the other side of this. A photograph of an enjoyable moment gives you very little information about what someone can manage across a working day. My recovery included doing enjoyable things. I needed people to understand that those activities could have a place alongside being unwell.

I did not need to feel I was doing something wrong every time I experienced a little enjoyment.

When someone is struggling, I do not want to begin with how manageable I think their workload should feel.

My own experience involved a new job and several major events outside work, all happening together. Looking at only one part would have missed the situation I was living through.

Now, as a manager, I want to make space for the person's account. What are they finding difficult? What might help? Are they able to have that conversation now, or do they first need some immediate breathing room?

There are signs that make me pay attention: someone becoming unusually tearful, visibly shaky or unable to deliver work as they normally would. I also think about the feeling of never switching off, even when sitting on the sofa in the evening. Those are reasons to ask how someone is doing and seek appropriate help. They do not tell me, by themselves, what a person is experiencing.

If I see someone who seems overwhelmed, my first concern is relieving the immediate pressure. That may mean saying that we should stop for the afternoon and that they should go home and have some space.

From there, I would ask whether they feel able to talk with me about what is happening and how I can assist. I would also discuss involving the occupational physician — the bedrijfsarts in the Netherlands — for an assessment and advice.

That professional input matters. I cannot judge from a conversation alone where someone is in their recovery, what they can manage or whether they first need time to step back. Thuisarts explains the role of the bedrijfsarts in supporting someone with burnout. For readers in Britain, Acas explains how occupational health can support workers and employers.

The conversation should lead towards support that fits the person. I do not want to fill in the answers before they have had the opportunity to speak.

I believe in involving the employee in decisions about support. I want to hear what they need and, when they are able, think through possible solutions together.

That is what I mean by ownership here: having a voice in what happens to you. There may be a stage when someone cannot yet work through options or make a plan. They may first need to switch off, with professional guidance helping us understand what is appropriate.

My part is to offer support and address what I can at work. Their involvement matters, and so does recognising their current capacity. A person who is overwhelmed should not have to arrive at the first conversation with their own finished recovery plan.

Acas's guidance on supporting workers with stress offers a practical starting point for listening and considering changes together.

I am sharing this because I want burnout to be something we can discuss with more understanding.

You may miss the signals. The people around you may miss them too. You may be ambitious, accustomed to managing a great deal and convinced you should be able to keep going. Needing help does not erase any of the things you are good at.

If stress or exhaustion is affecting your daily life, speak to a GP about what you are experiencing. The NHS guide to work-related stress and burnout has information about support.

What I most wanted then was some understanding and someone willing to listen. That is where I try to begin as a manager now.

How to Prepare for a Performance Review: A Manager's Perspective explores the ongoing conversations, support and development I value in my work with people.